Alive

Photographed by Melisa Kwok , Edited by Cinthy Kwok. Wearing: Unbranded white shirt / Unbranded high waist ruffle skirt / Unbrande...

Photographed by Melisa Kwok, Edited by Cinthy Kwok. Wearing: Unbranded white shirt / Unbranded high waist ruffle skirt / Unbranded white bag / Payless white sandal wedges

I am happy to be alive, and it's almost unbelievable that I am still alive. I have ever once tried to kill myself, when I was around 10 or 11. I forgot what it was about, but one thing for sure is that I was really depressed that time. So there's this bedroom of mine that has 2 floors which the second floor was made of plywood. It was around 2 to 3 meters above the floor, not that high. I laid a thin mattress on the floor, went up to 2nd floor and then jump down. Sounds like playing, I know, but it was hurt, I hurt my stomach but I was totally fine.

When I was 13, my dearly grandfather passed away. My grandfather was the only person who made me feel so loved, feel so lucky to be in this world. I was hit by the reality. I couldn't see him for one last time. I cried so hard, feeling so lost. I cried over and over again yet he didn't come back alive. I was too young to face the fact that my beloved grandfather has gone forever. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, I grew up, I got over my sadness and went to Senior High School. So far, Senior High School has seriously been the best part in my life. I had a lot of friends, though my rank was far than good, but I was satisfied. I laughed, I overcame my fear of talking to strangers, I got a lot of cakes and presents on my birthdays, I received so much love, at least that's what I thought I had.

On June 2014, I graduated from High School and by September 2014, I went to University. I met a lot of new friends, including the ones in my class and the same major with mine. I didn't have any boyfriend that time, but I'm relieved that I have friends. They are so kind to me, yet in the end I was left all alone along with my depression. The guys in my class transferred to another university and while I stayed. That was my greatest depression. I asked God why was I the one to feel this. I blamed God for not being fair to me. Then once again, I overcame it real fast since I was born introvert so I didn't mind being alone at all. I think I should thank my camera, for being there with me, helping me to get over my depression. That's how I started to learn and give more interest in photography and graphic design.

I bang my head into hard things at times, I hit and slapped myself, I pulled my own hair, I just didn't feel thankful sometimes. But now, I have learn to be more thankful to what I got and what I have. I am a lot more cheerful and bright than how I was before. I have a boyfriend who would act silly just to calm me down and cheer me up, who feels sorry for not doing well enough although in my opinion he did his best, who loves my crazy personality. He makes me feel grateful to earn his love, he spoils me best but hard on me sometimes, I am greatly thankful that I had him on my side. I am thankful for my family, especially my parents for their endless support. I am thankful for the food I eat everyday, and most of all I am thankful for being able to wake up and learn to create and explore something new everyday.

x, Cinthy.

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128 comment(s)

  1. You are so pretty, I love your skirt!
    Kisses, Paola.
    Expressyourself

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  2. This shooting it's amazing, I love it ♥
    www.heresometimes.com

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  3. Being thankful is so key. Love this cool look!

    http://www.kathrineeldridge.com

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it definitely is. Thank you, Kathrine! x

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  4. Being grateful about what you have in life is always a good thing. Thanks for stumbling upon my blog dear!

    xx Margaret
    www.maleemaleehong.com

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    Replies
    1. Yes it is. Thank you for paying a visit back! x

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  5. Well thought out, every one has hard days in the life and we should fight, not give up ;-) wonderful photos my dear, you look gorgeous in this skirt :-)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah i know right. Thank you so much, Alice! x

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  6. These photos are amazing. Love your style!

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

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  7. Sorry for all that you went through, I can relate to a lot. I think it's great that you have learned to be thankful for things!

    http://www.myclusterofthoughts.com/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the sympathy, Katherine! x

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  8. I love these photos!

    http://violettedaily.com

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  9. Thank you so much for sharing this. I love your photos btw, they look super editorial
    xo | Cindy Elena
    www.boringclothes.com

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  10. Great post and photos really liked ❤
    I'd be happy friendship blogs ♥ Subscribe to your Blogger
    Julia Shkvo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for paying a visit, Julia! x

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  11. Love the pics ! #staypositive <3

    http://www.mademoiselleperrier.com/

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  12. Love the edit, amazing skirt!

    xx
    Xin

    http://xincerely.blogspot.com

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  13. I really like you :)
    Happy weekend!

    Can you follow me? I follow you :)
    If you comment my post, I will comment your five posts! :)

    http://www.sandrakopko.com/2017/04/fishnet-tights.html

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  14. loving that skirt hun!
    kisses from the sandpit 😘😘
    www.mahryska.com

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  15. Life can be so difficult and I feel you, but like you said being thankful and grateful each day of all the little things and big things makes us appreciate more about life in general. Love your pictures btw.

    Nathalie
    www.nathalie-alexandra.blogspot.com

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  16. adore this post!
    xx
    http://thedemeler.com

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  17. Beautiful!

    I am always so thankful for my family. I would never have gotten to where I am at without them in my life.

    -Didier
    www.didieryhc.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes we should be thankful for them. Thank you for paying a visit, Didier! x

      Delete
  18. Pretty look ! Love your pictures !
    Much love !
    Nina
    xox
    www.thecrispylipstick.com

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  19. Nice post, your skirt is gorgeous.

    Bernie, xx
    The Style Fanatic

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  20. Beautiful look! So stunning.

    Funmi x
    www.funmialabi.co.uk

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  21. Lovely outfit, you look beautiful as always
    Thanks for sharing
    http://gallech.blogspot.com

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  22. Love your photos as always & thanks for sharing your personal stories! Have a lovely day Cinthy! :)

    Dabin / http://dabindb.blogspot.kr/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Dabin! Have a great day! x

      Delete
  23. Sorry to hear what you've been through. You may want to talk to a therapist for help and support.
    love, Jane
    http://www.fitfabfunmom.com

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jane. Thank you for the recommendation but just to tell you that I am totally fine now. x

      Delete
  24. These photos are amazing doll!!
    xx- Nina

    http://www.ninalnguyen.com/2017/06/major-spring-vibes.html

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  25. I'm glad that you are now seeing the light. Sometimes we get caught up on how things should be instead of learning to appreciate what we have. Life is for sue unfair but it doesn't mean its the end of the everything. Thanks for being honest.

    www.rdsobsessions.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for spending your time reading it, Rach! x

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  26. The realisations you've shared in this post are so lovely, there really is so much to be said for being thankful for what we have. I hope each new year continues to get better and brighter for you :)

    aglassofice.com
    x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words, Gabrielle! Back to you too. x

      Delete
  27. Great post dear!
    Emma
    www.emmalovesfashion.com

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  28. Very cool post! I love the layout <3
    A l i n a // alinacorona.de

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  29. Great photos!

    www.gloryofthesnow.com

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  30. Being thankful makes you appreciate the little things that makes you smile...nice photos :)
    www.comfycozyup.com

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  31. Amazing outfits!

    Hugs Bella, http://nouw.com/bellss/sheer-lace-top-30344072 // Instagram: bellaskoog

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  32. These pictures look absolutely stunning! You are so talented!
    THE PINK ELEPHANT SHOE //

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  33. Wow, I admire your strength to share your story, that must have been so hard to deal with as a little girl. Thanks for sharing, I know that you for sure touched your readers who have gone through the same thing or have recently experienced a loss.

    XO,

    Jalisa
    www.thestylecontour.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for spending your time to read it, Jalisa! x

      Delete
  34. Wow that was such an intense story thanks for sharing. Great to see that you are pushing through the hard times. Practicing gratitude everyday is a great way to keep moving forward in a positive way. So touching Cinthy! x

    Aicha | The Fashion Heist

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad if my story touched my reader in any way! Thank you for paying a visit, Aicha! x

      Delete
  35. Such a cute outfit - love the edit, you're so creative!

    So many heavenly ideas, your mom is a lucky lady!

    NEW POST | Instagram | Blogger Tools

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  36. a dark in your photo look so amazing :)

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  37. Amazing photos <3 love your blog
    http://kuraibanii.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Glad you love it. Thank you, Arisa! x

      Delete
  38. Wow I love your way of editing photos and put them together as a whole story!
    xx, Carmen - http://www.carmitive.com

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    Replies
    1. Glad you love it. Thank you so much, Carmen! x

      Delete
  39. Beautiful pictures and a very positive outcome to your story!
    Have a lovely day :)
    Rosanna x
    Rose's Rooftop

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  40. Great post.. Stay positive and happy, dear! <3

    TheNormcoreRebel

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  41. Such an amazing post! You look absolutely amazing! Lovely story, thanks for sharing it!
    xx
    cvetybaby.com

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  42. I am so sorry to hear about your troubled past, but please know you are not alone and you are very strong for continuing to move forward in such a positive way. Beautiful pictures!

    xo, Allie

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the sympathy and the support, Allie! x

      Delete
  43. Wow, I love this stylish look with the beautiful skirt!
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  44. This is such a great post, and I'm loving all these amazing photos!

    http://roadesque.com
    http://ourruins.com

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  45. Love the photos. But I love that you have found a positive place more. Life is a gift from God. And because God is there, you are never truly alone.

    www.jeannieinabottleblog.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the sweet words, Jeanne! x

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  46. The pictures and outfit are amazing!! Great post!
    xx
    Mónica Sors
    MES VOYAGES À PARIS
    NEW POST: GENEVA TRAVEL DIARY, TIPS AND OUTFITS

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  47. Very cool look! I especially love your skirt :)

    ❤️ Alyssa // STYLE VANITY

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  48. i love this shirt of yours!
    so pretty :)
    f4f
    http://highheelpoodl.blogspot.rs/

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  49. thanks for sharing. i am glad you've found happiness love.

    xx
    lauren
    http://www.blameitonbarneys.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for paying a visit, Lauren! x

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  50. Aw such a beautiful article! I am so sorry to hear of your struggles but so happy to hear there are so many good things also, I can't wait to read more from your blog! ^^ xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (lets follow each other on bloglovin or instagram)

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  51. Sorry to hear about the sadness you've experienced. It's good to know that you are moving forward and keeping positive. These are great photos! x

    Kate Louise Blogs

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  52. Love how editorial this post looks! The pictures are so beautifully shot.

    www.pennyanddash.com

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  53. Great post :)
    http://gingerheadlife.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for paying a visit love! x

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  54. It's nice to know more about you. I'm happy you get to realize all those things. At the end of the day, you still have your family that loves you like no other. <3

    xoxo,
    SHAIRA
    www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Hello Shaira. Thank you for paying a visit! x

      Delete
  55. Amazing photos!!

    http://iameleine.blogspot.com/
    http://www.instagram.com/iameleineblog/

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  56. This is an interesting post Cinthy. Sometimes, I forgot to be grateful of whatever I have despite the hardships. And I know this is something I should practice :)

    PS. Thanks for visiting my blog! Happy to follow :)

    trulyfionaa.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Hi Fiona. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading my blog. Thank you for paying a visit back! x

      Delete
  57. Great post Dear! You are awesome, remeber that! <3

    MERI WILD BLOG

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    Replies
    1. You're too sweet! Thank you so much, Meri <3 x

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  58. The thoughts on this posts are beautiful and quite deep. But I'm glad you came to the conclusion that although we all have hard times in our lives, moments and situations that can get us really depressed, there's also something to be thankful for. :)
    I absolutely love the photography here, by the way. So original!
    xx

    www.stylebydeb.com

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    Replies
    1. Hi Deb, thank you so much for the sweet words! x

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  59. such a great read! i think the thing is, being alive is already a blessing that we all should be grateful for. even if life is difficult, we should all be happy we're alive! anyway, great photos too dear! <3

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  60. Love your look here; obsessed with your skirt<3
    xx, Kiko from Monochrome Diary

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  61. You look so beautiful. That outfit looks so good on you. Love it!

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